The Summer of Platinum # 5

I

This is The End, My Beautiful Friend

I’ve said pretty much all I can about Assassin’s Creed II, so in order to save myself from repeating myself and a whole helluva lot of words, I’m done with it.

Yep.  Ninth platinum trophy is mine, and I got all them goddamned feathers and pranced around in my nifty ass family crested cape, and swept five dudes with a polearm.  Which sounds kinda dirty, actually.

The last nine feathers were extremely stressful for some reason or another, because within the span of maybe forty-five minutes it was like all of a sudden I had forgotten how to play the entire game.  I died all the time, fell off everything, Ezio was convinced that I was wrong in my directions and was determined to jump into the water and wherever he thought was appropriate.

But then, pow!  Finally, trophies!

I would get into details about the journey to get those trophies, but honestly, I’ve forgotten most of it.  Between playing the game and being social, it’s all evaporated into a nonsensical cloud of brain poop, and I don’t care to address said brain poop anymore.  So, I’m moving on to the next ghastly mission.

II

MASS EFFECTERY

The trophies that I need to platinum Mass Effect 2 aren’t very many.  There’s three.  Two require specific duties to unlock ‘em that are basic combat involved type shit that won’t be too hard to get.  It’s the last one I have trouble with.  I’ve made a few efforts with it, but have failed miserably each time.  It’s the Insanity trophy, which requires the player to beat the game on Insanity difficulty.  And for some reason this is so much more difficult on Mass Effect 2 than it was with Mass Effect 3.

My plan of execution for this trophy is going to require two playthroughs.  One more on a regular difficulty or some such, to further level up the character that I’m playing as (MaleShep, Sentinel class; not going my usual FemShep Adept class) and be as powerful as one can be before I even start the game – thank BioWare for New Game Plus! – and then go at it as hard as I can.  I’m going to try to play Paragon as much as possible, ‘cause I’ve heard that the benefits of such make the game less difficult, versus when you play as an asshole.  Hopefully by doing this I’ll find the same ease that came with Mass Effect 3’s insanity difficulty.  That game was only hard at the very end of the game because I did just that.  I was at level sixty or so through the whole game and just nuked the absolute fuck outta every bad guy with warp and various combinations with warp.

I’ll get more into what Mass Effect is in a later entry.

III

MORTAL KOMBAT

I put this in the other day and went a few rounds – well, more than a few – with Sub-Zero and Scorpion, and once again was reminded how ridiculous some of the trophies for this game are.  Not mentioning the multiplayer based trophies which will forever be unobtainable by me ‘cause I don’t play all that many games online at all, there’s this Mastering shit trophies.  To master a character in the game you have to play that specific character for a full day.  Twenty-four hours.  That’s a lot of time to be playing a fighting game, and I play the shit outta fighting games.  Right now, I’m sitting at six hours played with Sub-Zero.  SIX.  Twenty-four versus SIX means a lot of dedication and kissing everyone in my life goodbye in order to get a non-existent trophy for a video game.  Which, yeah, I do that a lot, but I’m nocturnal, so while I’m playing these games and getting these nonexistent trophies, everyone else in the world is asleep.  EVERYONE.  But then there's another mastering trophy where you have to master ALL the characters.  ALL of them – well, not the DLC characters, but all the rest!  ALL OF THEM.  That’s twenty-eight characters.  Twenty-eight characters times twenty-four hours is SIX-HUNDRED-SEVENTY-TWO HOURS.  That’s literally a month straight of Mortal Kombat playing.  While it’s most certainly achievable, this is one of those trophies that’s permanently on my back burner.  I casually play Mortal Kombat now, because I’ve seen everything that the game has to offer and I refuse to play any fighting games online.

Platinuming this game or any fighting game aside from the Tekken games is something I really have no interest in trying.  I can’t adjust to the lag and input delay that comes with playing fighting games online, so, I’d rather save myself a whole new level of humiliation by just not trying.  I’ll play against people in the same room, or over a lan party, but online?  Nah.  No thanks.

IV

HAY LOOK

This one’s really short!